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Enjoy Ajaban!

Don't just celebrate Thanksgiving, help us errect the US Foreign Policy Museum on the Washington Mall!

Remember, Thanksgiving is a time to soothe your assimilation anxiety. Union of cultures through feasting. Still feeling that anxiety? Here's more to soothe you:



Turkey Hand Jive © Cassandra Buendia

Happy Thanksgiving!

Colonists, nee immigrants, unite and take over!
But first, the feast!


Thanksgiving Greetings:

To celebrate this season, gather around a cozy fire with all your loved ones, especially the little children, and read to them a heartwarming story of this great day. A fine choice is: THE GREAT THANKSGIVING HOAX by Richard Maybury.

In this story, you will learn the TRUTH! That: "The problem with...[the official Thanksgiving story]... is that the harvest of 1621 was not bountiful, nor were the colonists hardworking or tenacious. 1621 was a famine year and many of the colonists were lazy thieves." And more! Who knew?!

Yes, a good stirring story about the true meaning of Thanksgiving - that socialism sucks! Brought to you by the website of Austrian economists, and they should know. [I have to warn you, this Maybury fellow seems to flap a wee bit to the right. Some of you may be offended. I, for some reason, am thoroughly entertained.]

Also, for those of you who are fresh immigrants, don't forget:

Thanksgiving is all about immigrants coming to America, having a nice meal or two with the natives, and then taking over.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially those former immigrants who did this in their turn and now want to change the rules around.

And not just Thanksgiving, the whole American dream is about facilitating immigration!

Why, the founding fathers themselves went to great lengths to highlight this in the hallowed Declaration of Independence, even as they spelled out their grievances against that evil George of yore.

Surely you're familiar with the Declaration of Independence? No? OK, here's how it starts [and be patient, there's a bit of a set up before we get to immigration]:

"When in the Course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation."

(Yes. It's stirring. Heck, read the whole thing here.)

The next paragraph starts "We hold these Truths to be self-evident..." In other words, "We assume..."

This is an excellent way to start out. Lay it on the line. What is the assumption that drives you? The thing that requires no proof, that is self-evident, that you Will to Be by Declaring It, that you make a stand for, that defines who you are?

You flaming AMERICAN!

To start with, the Founding Fathers assumed "all men are equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."

Then they went on to criticize government and prescribe overthrow, and in so doing, revealed further assumptions: "But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security."

The Government at that time was the administration of King George, and the declaration lists each car in the train of his abuse, prefacing it with the assurance that these are all facts: "The History of the present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World."

You may be thinking "So what. An old geezer king and those colonists with their panties in a twist over stamp taxes. Not my problem. Plus, they hadn't seen nothing yet."

But behold! There's something in it for EVERYONE! Immigrant Iranians (and other nationals) whose access to the states is being curtailed now through immigration restrictions, rejoice! Your struggle is tres Americain! In the list of heinous things done by the tyrant king George we have:

"He has endeavored to prevent the Population of these States; for that Purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their Migrations hither, and raising the Conditions of new Appropriations of Lands."

There you have it. Straight from the pens of our Founding Fathers. Those who would prevent your population of these States are injurious and tyrannical and anti-thetical to the American way. Immigration is the very essence of the American way!

Of course, once you get here, the idea is that you want to be AMERICAN! FREE! And so on. You're supposed to be happy to throw off the yoke of your old country's turgid government and gleefully go about colonizing and imposing yourself on your new home and Appropriating land, gobbling up real estate and industry and whatnot. And yet you whine about giving up the old country and losing your language and such. The English settlers who came here also lost their language. Do you see them whining?

Oh wait a minute, you're right. They didn't lose their language. They imposed it on everyone else! So, if you want to follow in their footsteps, make sure to get all your English-speaking friends a set of Persian-English magnetic word play kits! And keep the tradition of language imposition going strong! Yay!

I guess it goes to show, a lot of people want to have their cake and eat it too. Well you can! Because it's Thanksgiving! And we have not yet begun to colonize! Pass the cranberries. [The karmic cranberry go-round!]

 

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  • Do I always sit around and read the declaration of independence?
  • No. But as fortune would have it, my (Right wing? Or is he Libertarian?) cousin keeps giving my name to conservative organizations and I keep getting stuff in the mail asking me to join. Then, just in time for Thanksgiving, the Cato Institute was kind enough to send me a handy pocket copy of the Declaration of Independence. Hence this sudden refresher and immigrant thrill.

Dude, enough whining about politics. Let's make FUSION happen NOW!

 
               

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